The Watering Hole

Wife and I are divorcing after 13 years of marriage. Her choice - she didn't effectively communicate her frustrations with our relationship, then fell in imaginary love with someone else (online long-distance relationship).

I'm not happy about it, because she really didn't even give us a chance to fix it for the sake of our two kids, but I'm choosing to not be a dick, and we're getting along really well (unlike most people that divorce).

Got my new apartment today and will be gradually moving in there over the next few weeks (like I said, it's very amicable).

Sad but hopeful that this will lead to my life getting better. First time in my 40 years on the planet than I'm living alone. It's a weird concept for me.

Just thought I'd share since I feel like there are at least a few of you who have been through it. :)
Tripper

:(

Sorry to hear it Tripper - try to keep that positive attitude though!

That's a shame, sorry to hear that.

Sorry to hear that, happens to the best of 'em. Stay positive.

Damn Trip. Really sorry to hear that. You know my situation and it's really hard.

I did the same thing with the apartment gig. It's a pretty good place to start. Just wait till summer when the chicks start hitting the pool. ;D

I chose to be a dick, but my deal was a tad different. Young children, creep that the ex had already had sex with, etc.

I just don't understand women these days.

Keep the good attitude, as Craig said. And look, ever need to talk, let me know and I'll pm you my number. Very sorry your having to go through this shit.

Good luck friend!!! Best wishes to you and your kidos!!!

:(  That sucks man.  hang in there!  

Look at it as a new opportunity at a new life..... I was heartbroken over my divorce from my first wife for a little while. Several years later I met a woman who has been my best friend ever in this life, we've been together 30 years. I went from a marriage that was rocky to a real partnership in life. Best thing that ever happened to me.

Instead of me telling you how sorry I am to hear this amigo. I am telling you this might just be a great opportunity at something much better. So look at the brighter side amigo. It could be also true for you, that something way better happens for you. In fact I was 39 when I hooked up with the present wifey, so it is possible, even for an old goat like you at 40 (pup).

I think marriage is a old bullshit ego boost. You don't need a piece of paper that, for a man, is the stupidest thing or contract he could ever sign. If 2 people want to spend the rest of their life together, marriage is the last thing they should do, imo. It's the quickest way to ruin a good relationship.

Trip will be fine. You will my friend. I have a hard time believing this myself, going through my shit. No advice intended, but my world has changed big time. I want to be happy, and I've realized, at 48, that a woman isn't the key to that happiness. They can add to it, or destroy it. I refuse to give another person that power in my life ever again.

Love ya Trip. Rock on down the line my friend! Everyday will be better than than the one before!!  :)

Well said Hook, I am seeing your transformation unfold as you post things like the above. And for Trip, in a few months things will turn around any you will be saying the same stuff.

poop :'(

Thanks, guys. I really appreciate it. So far things are still going really well with the ex-wife. Slowly getting all my shit separated and moved over to my new place. I really had thought that she was my "best friend forever" because we really do have so much in common, and we were and are still really close and get along great.

It's really weird to think that there could be something better out there, and I'm sure when it presents itself, I'll know it and accept it, but for now, I'll take my still-young-looking punim and enjoy my freedom, experiencing whatever the single life has to offer for a while. I never did that back when I was younger, so now's the time for me. :) Gonna "Clooney it" for a while. Bring on the ladies!

;)
Tripper

Tripper — Oct 19, 2013Bring on the ladies!

Howie says all but one of these are available.  ;) :D

I'm so glad he didn't show us pictures of his wife. :D

Sucks Trip....I've been through that as well. My situation with my ex-wife was very similar to yours. Very amicable, but I didn't see it coming.

On the brighter side, it led me to meeting my current wife. And she is more awesomer (not a real word...but it fits my wife's description) in so many ways than my first wife could ever be.

So yes, it sucks. But focus on yourself right now. Easier said than done, I know first hand. But I did it, and so can you. Do things that you enjoy most. Become your old self again. If you actually never changed...then just keep on keeping on.

I do hope you find a second one as amazing as mine. But don't look too hard. Took me 2 years. But it was worth the challenges and the wait.

Good luck to you my friend, and focus on yourself and your future. You might be surprised with what they hold :)

Thanks, Johnny. :)
Tripper

You learn by experience Trip, next time pick one closer to what you want in a woman.

My second was wisely chosen. I picked a beautiful woman who did not rely on her looks to attract men. What attracted me the most, was the way she walked, nice easy pace, no exaggerated wiggle in her walk, she walked with a purpose other than attracting men's attention, she walked with the purpose of getting where she was going. She was 27 at the time and I was 39. Been a great 31 years for both of us.

Things will be looking up for you soon enough.

31 years??? Damn. Congrats 1st!!!!!! That sounds like a lot of work.  :)

Well, Trip, let me update my situation. My ex and her "great person" just broke up last Thurs. Guess who she suddenly is interested in now? Yep. Will not leave me alone. I don't know what to tell you, but, one can't predict the future, right?

No way, by the way. I would never consider that with my ex. Not because of the sex thing, but she destroyed trust.

Hey, this is one thing I did. I got in a funk for a week or so and got a crazy thought, I'm going to a concert. Get the best seat you can. Enjoy and notice all the fun people are having. It was a huge pick me up. I went by myself and had a blast. I even went there in a cab, and home in a cab.  ;D I wasn't sober when I left and was less sober when I got home. ;D I don't know, it was just strange going to a concert alone. ;D

I already go to concerts alone all the time. And I've always enjoyed watching people watch the show. Like you said, it can be really inspiring.

Having two special needs kids and being shitty at planning and worse at trusting people with those kids means that me and the now ex-wife didn't get out much together, so we'd always do stuff on our own. Now that's just official. :)

I know that if I do end up finding someone else, they're really going to have to be something extra special for me to bother with them, other than for recreational purposes. I'm kind of off the whole "being a husband" thing at this point. Of course that may change.

:)
Tripper

P.S. If the stories you shared with us here are all an accurate representation of reality, your ex doesn't deserve any affection from you. ZERO. You're right.

Hookbender — Oct 21, 201331 years??? Damn. Congrats 1st!!!!!! That sounds like a lot of work.  :)

Nah amigo it was easy. Best friend I ever had still to this day. The woman is a low maintenance gal amigo. These 31 years have been a cakewalk.

Tripper — Oct 21, 2013I already go to concerts alone all the time. And I've always enjoyed watching people watch the show. Like you said, it can be really inspiring.

Having two special needs kids and being shitty at planning and worse at trusting people with those kids means that me and the now ex-wife didn't get out much together, so we'd always do stuff on our own. Now that's just official. :)

I know that if I do end up finding someone else, they're really going to have to be something extra special for me to bother with them, other than for recreational purposes. I'm kind of off the whole "being a husband" thing at this point. Of course that may change.

:)
Tripper

P.S. If the stories you shared with us here are all an accurate representation of reality, your ex doesn't deserve any affection from you. ZERO. You're right.

You'll never, ever, catch me in a lie. i don't lie. I have a huge thing about that. 100% accurate, according to neighbors and some parts confirmed by the ex. Including this scums best friend and ex wife.

Shit. Two special need children and she does this??? Gaddamn whats wrong with women today? How can a person be that selfish?

The thing that really pisses me off about my deal is the fact that I'll never have a so called normal family life now. I miss getting home and having 2 beautiful little girls jump in my arms with big hugs. I mean, I'm 48 now. No way I'm having any more children, period. So my right to be a part of raising my girls has been taken from me, in a normal sense of family. I won't ever have the opportunity to have a normal life as I planned. That, to me, was the worst part. And I really don't care about what people say about how you can still be a Dad and all that in this situation, it's not the same living in a different home. I'll do the best I can, of course, but it really isn't close to the same. I don't see how a woman can put a loser like him before her own kids? What kind of garbage shit bag did I marry? Holy crap.

My parents have been married over 50 years. I never dreamed I'd be involved in 2 failed marriages. Marriage just doesn't mean shit today. It's just another word for dating and when you break up, the woman can get half your shit.  ;D

I'll never do it again. No reason to get married. If a woman isn't satisfied with being in a good relationship with me, and thinks she has to get married, she can hit the fucking road. I don't need her. Sucks, but thats my attitude now.

By the way, Pickmaster, my cousin, got a divorce about 6 months before I did. He now is suppose to marry a girl he dated in high school.

So, apparently, life goes on. With you, or without you. Might as well climb on the ship of life. If not, it'll leave your ass behind.  ;D (not referring to you, just a general statement)

desertbluesman — Oct 22, 2013[quote author=Hookbender link=1380765748/0#16 date=1382386096]31 years??? Damn. Congrats 1st!!!!!! That sounds like a lot of work.  :)

Nah amigo it was easy. Best friend I ever had still to this day. The woman is a low maintenance gal amigo. These 31 years have been a cakewalk.

You my friend, are a lucky dude.  :)

Hookbender — Oct 22, 2013[quote author=desertbluesman link=1380765748/0#19 date=1382404605][quote author=Hookbender link=1380765748/0#16 date=1382386096]31 years??? Damn. Congrats 1st!!!!!! That sounds like a lot of work.  :)

Nah amigo it was easy. Best friend I ever had still to this day. The woman is a low maintenance gal amigo. These 31 years have been a cakewalk.

You my friend, are a lucky dude.  :)

Update to this story:
The wife finalized her divorce from the new husband 11 days before their one-year anniversary was to happen. Apparently he was a big fat liar. I'm shocked.

So anyone who said "ah, I'll give it a year" would have been pretty close to accurate.

Also, I have a really kind and wonderful girlfriend now who also gets along fabulously with my children and my ex.

I'm a really lucky bastard. I hope it doesn't annoy anyone that I bumped this, and I hope you guys are all well. :)
Tripper

Tripper — Jun 17, 2015Update to this story:
The wife finalized her divorce from the new husband 11 days before their one-year anniversary was to happen. Apparently he was a big fat liar. I'm shocked.

So anyone who said "ah, I'll give it a year" would have been pretty close to accurate.

Also, I have a really kind and wonderful girlfriend now who also gets along fabulously with my children and my ex.

I'm a really lucky bastard. I hope it doesn't annoy anyone that I bumped this, and I hope you guys are all well. :)
Tripper

Glad to hear that you made it through the parting Tripper, divorce is a bummer and if you get through it, and come out on the other side happy that is a big plus.

Thanks, man. That means a lot. :)
Tripper

HAHAHA serves her right.  Glad things are on the up and up for you though man.  Cheers!

Fenderbender — Jul 14, 2015HAHAHA serves her right.  Glad things are on the up and up for you though man.  Cheers!

Thanks! Karma is a bitch. (well, if I believed in that sort of thing) :) I consider myself very fortunate that things didn't go poorly during or post-divorce.

Tripper

Tripper — Jul 16, 2015[quote author=Fenderbender link=1380765748/25#26 date=1436905334]HAHAHA serves her right.  Glad things are on the up and up for you though man.  Cheers!

Thanks! Karma is a bitch. (well, if I believed in that sort of thing) :) I consider myself very fortunate that things didn't go poorly during or post-divorce.

Tripper
Once you get used to it, the divorce thing ain't as bad as you once thought. I suffered big emotional trauma when I split with my first wife. Looking back on it, it was one of the best things to ever happen to me in this life. We signed for our divorce in Denver Colorado, then we went back to Boulder and hiked up in the mountains, her, her new man, and I. We smoked a big fatty and went walking along a stream in the mountains there. As we walked something came over me and took all my sorrows away, if felt like something lifted an elephant off of my back. It was done at that moment. I walked away from those two and got into my van, & went to her house & loaded my boys and our stuff up, and back to New Jersey we went, my two sons and me. From that point on, my life has been an upper this whole time since. The gray days of sorrow left me on that mountain side, that day and they never came back.  

The only difference is; I raised my kids not her, you and Hook had to leave yours with the wives. That part sucks.