#1 · Nov 30, 2008 21:21 UTC
It all started many, many years ago.
It was a very bad winter at the North Pole and besides that,
there was a nasty flue virus going around that was causing
the elves to get sick and fall behind on their work.
Santa was not happy as he had to leave the house
and walk to the workshop daily. The weather was getting
worse and worse and the work was piling up.
With only two weeks to go before Christmas, only
half of the toys had been made. This was probably due to the fact
that half of the elves were out sick. The stress was taking it's toll
on Santa's personal life for he and Mrs. Clause had not spoken in
a week and Santa was forced to sleep in a big chair down stairs
by the fire place. "Which was just fine with him," so he said.
It was about a week before Christmas then the storm got really bad. Elves were still getting sick, but thank the Saints, some of the sick ones
were coming back. Unfortunately they were not up to full steam yet
and it was all Santa could do to keep from yelling at everyone, "Don't
you idiots realize Christmas is only six days away?"
It was at this point that he wondered who had been feeding the
reindeer. He made his way to the stables and sure enough the
reindeer had not been fed in several days. He worked until midnight
caring for the famished animals, and when he got home......
"Where in the hell have you been," shouted Mrs. Claus.
"Feeding the damn reindeer. They have not eaten in three days."
"I told you that you needed to feed them."
"What are you talking about woman? You said no such thing!"
"I told you with the elves sick you needed to check on the reindeer!"
"You said no such thing."
"Why are you such a crotchity old man? Aren't you supposed to be jolly?"
"Jolly! Who in the hell can be jolly in a house like this!"
"Well, Mr. crochity, you can just stay down here and sleep in the chair."
"Fine!"
"Fine! And by the way, you are out of fire wood!"
Sure enough, Santa was out of fire wood and here it was half past midnight. He had to go out into the storm and carry in loads of fire wood so that he would be able to stay warm throughout the night.
Once outside, he noticed that the lights were on in the workshop. Perhaps the elves were working and trying to get the toys made for Christmas morning? But then he heard singing and laughter? What was going on.
He walked to the workshop and flung open the door. There throughout the workshop were drunken elves. There were elves dancing with teddy bears, elves sitting on the machines, elves trying to juggle hammers and half naked elves doing things the Santa's elves just should not be doing. Santa was furious.
This part is rated 'X' and has been deleted as it is a Christmas story and
should keep within the parameters of the season. It should suffice to say that Santas rage began with "What in the hell do you all think you are doing?" And ended when all the elves had cleaned up the shop, taken cold showers, dressed in clean clothes and were standing in their respective positions for work as the sun began to rise.
Santa, was really tired but he stayed long enough to make sure production was under way. He then managed to make it over to the reindeer stalls where he spent the morning caring for the animals.
It was near one o'clock in the afternoon when he finally got home. "Why in the hell did you drop all the wood on the floor?" Screamed Mrs.
"Don't bother me woman! I've been up all night!" "I had to pick up those logs myself and stack them in the bin! And look at my rug! It's ruined!?"
"Oh please! Go away and leave me alone! I've got bigger problems and I have not had any sleep." It was then that Santa let out the biggest sneeze that Mrs. Clause had ever heard. "Well? aren't you going to excuse yourself!" She said.
Santa just flopped down in the chair and fell asleep. Was that tickle in his throat going to turn into a cold?
It was midnight when he woke. The shutters on the windows were banging. His nose was running, his throat was sore, he had an obvious fever, and no energy at all. Still he made it out into the snow to secure the shutter and over the work shop to check on the days work. He made it to the reindeer stalls and managed to feed the animals but Rudolf was not looking good. Was his nose actually dimming? Perhaps it was Santa's own cold playing tricks on him.
Santa managed to make it through the next few days. His cold got worse. Mrs. Clause had stopped fixing him meals or doing his laundry so he was surviving on hotdogs and coke and his socks smelled really bad.
It was the night before Christmas and most of the elves were back in the shop, but they were not happy. Santa had been driving them really hard.
There was tension in the air and something seemed to be afoot.
Santa had just poured himself a cup of coffee and sat down at his office desk when a deadly silence hit the air. All the elves had stopped working.
What's this!" Santa roared. "We are on strike!" Shouted the elves. "To hell with all of you!" Yelled Santa! "I'll do it myself! Get out!
The elves left but they formed picket lines outside the shop in the storm. Were it not for the bit of magic Santa has, he never would have got the rest of the toys finished in time. The elves chanted anti Christmas chants outside. "Down with Santa, Christmas sucks!" "Jingle Bells, Santa smells, he never wears clean socks, and now he's stuck with all the toys, that'll never get to the docks!"
Sure enough, the elves that were supposed to load the sled were joining the strike. Santa was sick, but he managed to bring his magic bag in from the sled and load all the toys into it right there in the shop. It took him all day and Christmas morning was only hours away.
He got to the reindeer stalls, the weather was horrid, Rudolph was sick and his nose was just not working properly. Santa was about out of magic and had no idea how he was going to slip down all those chimneys.
He hitched the reindeer to the sled and just as Christmas morning arrived, not that you could tell it was morning with all the wind, snow and clouds, he was off on his rounds.
It was the worst trip he had ever had. Rudolph was useless. The sleigh missed rooftops, nearly ran into mountains, was almost hit by several planes and got lost several times. Half the presents destined for Germany were delivered to France and once the mistake was discovered, Santa had to go back, retrieved all the gifts and then redistribute them to their proper recipients.
Santa was attacked by dogs. This usually does not happen but as his magic powers were drained, he had lost some of his charm. He was surprised by waiting Children and several parents scolded him for being too noisy and waking up the family. The only good thing was that he had lost so much weight from his diet of hotdogs and coke that he did not need much magic to get down the chimneys.
To top all this off, not one person in the entire world had left him milk or cookies. It just seems that with the weather so bad, everyone thought Christmas would be delayed. But Santa did it, he delivered every single package.
He returned home to the north pole and put the very tired reindeer to bed.
The elves were still picketing in front of the shop. Then he made his way through the storm to his own home. As soon as he walked in the door, Mrs. Clause called from the kitchen. "I hope you are not tracking mud into the house." Santa stumbled to his big chair in front of the fire and flopped into it. Mrs. Claus, ungraciously, plopped a cup of hot cocoa on the table next to the chair. Santa didn't care. It was warm, and it was going to taste great. He raised the cup to his lips and was about to take a sip when there was a loud knock at the door.
BAM BAM BAM! "Who in the hell could that be?" Thought Santa. He struggled up out of the chair and shouted, "Who is it?" But the shout was answered with another volley of loud bangs. BANG BANG BANG.
Santa flung open the door, and there on the steps was this little Angel holding up a huge Christmas tree. "Here is the Christmas tree you ordered. Where do you want me to put it." Asked the Angel.
'SIT ON IT" Shouted Santa and he slammed the door. And that is why we have Angels on the tops of Christmas trees today.
It was a very bad winter at the North Pole and besides that,
there was a nasty flue virus going around that was causing
the elves to get sick and fall behind on their work.
Santa was not happy as he had to leave the house
and walk to the workshop daily. The weather was getting
worse and worse and the work was piling up.
With only two weeks to go before Christmas, only
half of the toys had been made. This was probably due to the fact
that half of the elves were out sick. The stress was taking it's toll
on Santa's personal life for he and Mrs. Clause had not spoken in
a week and Santa was forced to sleep in a big chair down stairs
by the fire place. "Which was just fine with him," so he said.
It was about a week before Christmas then the storm got really bad. Elves were still getting sick, but thank the Saints, some of the sick ones
were coming back. Unfortunately they were not up to full steam yet
and it was all Santa could do to keep from yelling at everyone, "Don't
you idiots realize Christmas is only six days away?"
It was at this point that he wondered who had been feeding the
reindeer. He made his way to the stables and sure enough the
reindeer had not been fed in several days. He worked until midnight
caring for the famished animals, and when he got home......
"Where in the hell have you been," shouted Mrs. Claus.
"Feeding the damn reindeer. They have not eaten in three days."
"I told you that you needed to feed them."
"What are you talking about woman? You said no such thing!"
"I told you with the elves sick you needed to check on the reindeer!"
"You said no such thing."
"Why are you such a crotchity old man? Aren't you supposed to be jolly?"
"Jolly! Who in the hell can be jolly in a house like this!"
"Well, Mr. crochity, you can just stay down here and sleep in the chair."
"Fine!"
"Fine! And by the way, you are out of fire wood!"
Sure enough, Santa was out of fire wood and here it was half past midnight. He had to go out into the storm and carry in loads of fire wood so that he would be able to stay warm throughout the night.
Once outside, he noticed that the lights were on in the workshop. Perhaps the elves were working and trying to get the toys made for Christmas morning? But then he heard singing and laughter? What was going on.
He walked to the workshop and flung open the door. There throughout the workshop were drunken elves. There were elves dancing with teddy bears, elves sitting on the machines, elves trying to juggle hammers and half naked elves doing things the Santa's elves just should not be doing. Santa was furious.
This part is rated 'X' and has been deleted as it is a Christmas story and
should keep within the parameters of the season. It should suffice to say that Santas rage began with "What in the hell do you all think you are doing?" And ended when all the elves had cleaned up the shop, taken cold showers, dressed in clean clothes and were standing in their respective positions for work as the sun began to rise.
Santa, was really tired but he stayed long enough to make sure production was under way. He then managed to make it over to the reindeer stalls where he spent the morning caring for the animals.
It was near one o'clock in the afternoon when he finally got home. "Why in the hell did you drop all the wood on the floor?" Screamed Mrs.
"Don't bother me woman! I've been up all night!" "I had to pick up those logs myself and stack them in the bin! And look at my rug! It's ruined!?"
"Oh please! Go away and leave me alone! I've got bigger problems and I have not had any sleep." It was then that Santa let out the biggest sneeze that Mrs. Clause had ever heard. "Well? aren't you going to excuse yourself!" She said.
Santa just flopped down in the chair and fell asleep. Was that tickle in his throat going to turn into a cold?
It was midnight when he woke. The shutters on the windows were banging. His nose was running, his throat was sore, he had an obvious fever, and no energy at all. Still he made it out into the snow to secure the shutter and over the work shop to check on the days work. He made it to the reindeer stalls and managed to feed the animals but Rudolf was not looking good. Was his nose actually dimming? Perhaps it was Santa's own cold playing tricks on him.
Santa managed to make it through the next few days. His cold got worse. Mrs. Clause had stopped fixing him meals or doing his laundry so he was surviving on hotdogs and coke and his socks smelled really bad.
It was the night before Christmas and most of the elves were back in the shop, but they were not happy. Santa had been driving them really hard.
There was tension in the air and something seemed to be afoot.
Santa had just poured himself a cup of coffee and sat down at his office desk when a deadly silence hit the air. All the elves had stopped working.
What's this!" Santa roared. "We are on strike!" Shouted the elves. "To hell with all of you!" Yelled Santa! "I'll do it myself! Get out!
The elves left but they formed picket lines outside the shop in the storm. Were it not for the bit of magic Santa has, he never would have got the rest of the toys finished in time. The elves chanted anti Christmas chants outside. "Down with Santa, Christmas sucks!" "Jingle Bells, Santa smells, he never wears clean socks, and now he's stuck with all the toys, that'll never get to the docks!"
Sure enough, the elves that were supposed to load the sled were joining the strike. Santa was sick, but he managed to bring his magic bag in from the sled and load all the toys into it right there in the shop. It took him all day and Christmas morning was only hours away.
He got to the reindeer stalls, the weather was horrid, Rudolph was sick and his nose was just not working properly. Santa was about out of magic and had no idea how he was going to slip down all those chimneys.
He hitched the reindeer to the sled and just as Christmas morning arrived, not that you could tell it was morning with all the wind, snow and clouds, he was off on his rounds.
It was the worst trip he had ever had. Rudolph was useless. The sleigh missed rooftops, nearly ran into mountains, was almost hit by several planes and got lost several times. Half the presents destined for Germany were delivered to France and once the mistake was discovered, Santa had to go back, retrieved all the gifts and then redistribute them to their proper recipients.
Santa was attacked by dogs. This usually does not happen but as his magic powers were drained, he had lost some of his charm. He was surprised by waiting Children and several parents scolded him for being too noisy and waking up the family. The only good thing was that he had lost so much weight from his diet of hotdogs and coke that he did not need much magic to get down the chimneys.
To top all this off, not one person in the entire world had left him milk or cookies. It just seems that with the weather so bad, everyone thought Christmas would be delayed. But Santa did it, he delivered every single package.
He returned home to the north pole and put the very tired reindeer to bed.
The elves were still picketing in front of the shop. Then he made his way through the storm to his own home. As soon as he walked in the door, Mrs. Clause called from the kitchen. "I hope you are not tracking mud into the house." Santa stumbled to his big chair in front of the fire and flopped into it. Mrs. Claus, ungraciously, plopped a cup of hot cocoa on the table next to the chair. Santa didn't care. It was warm, and it was going to taste great. He raised the cup to his lips and was about to take a sip when there was a loud knock at the door.
BAM BAM BAM! "Who in the hell could that be?" Thought Santa. He struggled up out of the chair and shouted, "Who is it?" But the shout was answered with another volley of loud bangs. BANG BANG BANG.
Santa flung open the door, and there on the steps was this little Angel holding up a huge Christmas tree. "Here is the Christmas tree you ordered. Where do you want me to put it." Asked the Angel.
'SIT ON IT" Shouted Santa and he slammed the door. And that is why we have Angels on the tops of Christmas trees today.