61 posts
...the 'other' club that is. Yeah, even after reading Trippers thread, I'm still thinking it's close to the time to make the ultimate gear purchase - a wife, lol. Seriously, no need to get into mushy details, just putting it out there and hopefully some of your positive vibes will find their way through....either that, or you may feel free to warn me off! ;) I'll just say I've been in a happy zone that I've never been in before, and I've been there since day one. I've been friends will the woman since around '95, but dating and living together for over a year - we talk about taking the next step and both "just know it", so it's simply a matter of when we make it official and get engaged. I've never been married. She has once...she divorced the guy after catching him cheating on her twice (shame on her I guess for a second shot). She's been single for nearly 10 years now, so it's obvious she's been in no rush (she's 39, I'm 44). Anyways, I'm no great prize and consider myself extremely lucky to be with her, only one way I can think of to ensure it stays that way and doesn't stop. Joining the club. Or like Elaine said to Jerry when she had enough of the dating world, "I'm getting out." :)
I think being married is excellent. I didn't get married until I was 33 years old and had done a very good lifetime of wild living before that. I know a few friends that have been divorced, but the underlying trend with all of them is that they got married at a very early age, like between 18 an 25, which to my mind is far too young.
Good on yer ! :)
Kabala — Oct 28, 2013...the 'other' club that is. Yeah, even after reading Trippers thread, I'm still thinking it's close to the time to make the ultimate gear purchase - a wife, lol. Seriously, no need to get into mushy details, just putting it out there and hopefully some of your positive vibes will find their way through....either that, or you may feel free to warn me off! ;) I'll just say I've been in a happy zone that I've never been in before, and I've been there since day one. I've been friends will the woman since around '95, but dating and living together for over a year - we talk about taking the next step and both "just know it", so it's simply a matter of when we make it official and get engaged. I've never been married. She has once...she divorced the guy after catching him cheating on her twice (shame on her I guess for a second shot). She's been single for nearly 10 years now, so it's obvious she's been in no rush (she's 39, I'm 44). Anyways, I'm no great prize and consider myself extremely lucky to be with her, only one way I can think of to ensure it stays that way and doesn't stop. Joining the club. Or like Elaine said to Jerry when she had enough of the dating world, "I'm getting out." :)
I have a bad attitude towards marriage. That needs to be clear before my opinions comes out. ;D
The only thing I can say is this. Why attempt to fix something that isn't broken? Why get married? It can only make things worse, with added pressure on the relationship. Step back and think about this. If you get married, at best, you have a 50% chance of success, whatever that is. Would you invest all your money in anything that has a 50% chance of failure, tomorrow? And if it should fail, you lose 50% of your stuff.
I would keep being happy and enjoy. Skip marriage.
D,
Don't listen to Hook! He's bitter, (and rightfully so!!! I get that!) But someone who's just gone through what he has is not where you want to get advice on these things. You've said all I needed to hear. You know it's right. You aren't a kid. You know what you want. DO IT!
I have the greatest wife ever. She is my best friend. Marriage takes WORK AND COMPROMISE, but if you try, it is more than worth it. I don't see you as a guy who'd be too hard to get along with, or a strong willed, unflexible type. So, DO IT! If you are afraid, give me her phone number and I'll ask her for you! ;D
Thanks gents for the input! Nice thoughts, Jon. :)
Appreciate that, Howie! Yeah, it feels like at this age, it's no biggie and we both understand that there are ups and downs and all that. We're not young and foolish and in a rush. We'll pull the trigger when the moment feels right but we have both acknowledged that we "know." Trust me, at my age - it should be clear that I've always known when it was not right! ;)
I waited a loooong time because I once shared your view, Hook, at least somewhat, especially after looking around at friends and family with failed marriages everywhere. But then again, it could just be because I never met the right girl (and I for her), so the view has done a 180. As for the "added pressure"...not me, lol, way I'm looking at it, it takes an hour or so to get married, then we'll continue on with our lives. :)
I don't want to give you advice one way or the other on this... marriage has pluses and minuses, realistically, a lot of those are monetary, but that's not something most people want to think about.
Only question, I thought I remembered you breaking up with this girl a few months back?
Thanks. I hear ya, I definitely didn't intend for this to turn into a marriage pro/cons debate, just tossing it out there that it could be on the slate in the not too distant future for me personally. I did break up with her back in early feb, lasted about 4 weeks, but it was more of an ultimatum - and it was kinda a big deal for both of us. She simply drank too much for me, which doesn't take much as I'm a 100% doorknob who doesn't drink at all. I actually gave her the "it's not you, it's me" thing, and that she should just find somebody who was into partying and drinking like herself, and I meant it. Bottom line was that at nearly 40, I thought she acted a little too much like a girl half her age and with two boys at home, single mom, it was time to get it together. I wasn't asking her to act like an old maid or anything, just ease up, stand back, look at where you're at and tighten up. You can't be 25 forever. And if she didn't want to hear that, so be it, I was willing to let her go. I didn't want to be a guy worried if she was driving home lit up, getting taken advantage of, etc. Not judging!!! Just saying, I told her some other dude might've been a better option for her, someone who didn't mind that stuff. Other than that part of her personality, we were ideal for each other and I suppose after a few weeks and some sound advice from her family and friends, she told me I was right and that she was willing to turn the page, and move forward with me, sans the partying. It's been gravy ever since. She still has the occasional glass of wine at dinner, etc, and of course that's normal and I have no problem with that, hell, she's had a few girls nights out where I know she had "a few", but really, like Howie said, it's about compromise. I've lightened my view on the drinking and she's done more than meeting me half way, it's actually a major change for her, she has really settled down (like I said - we go way back). There hasn't been a hint of slipping back into her old ways. So yeah, she had an issue, but we all do. Her family has told me numerous times how they're so thrilled I came along and got her to settle down. She changed for me - scary thought, lol.
Does she know about your gear habit?
charger — Oct 28, 2013Does she know about your gear habit?
I believe this falls under that "compromise" topic Howie mentioned. :)
I'd say go for it if your gut tells you it's the right thing to do (as long as it's not a temporary impulse). Just, whatever you do, don't hide the ring in some food for her to accidentally find after she takes a bite (unless you have a backup fiancee and 911 on speed-dial :D ).
Anytime i hear that word, "change", it sends up a huge red flag for me.
And I'm not bitter, or even mad anymore. I'm over it. My ex came by last night and brought me a six pack at my request. Took a few pair of pants home of mine and is sewing buttons on for me. I hate her for hurting my kids and putting them in the situation she did, she's a slut, I can't "change" that. By the way, her and captain america broke up and she's already hitting the bars looking for more dick.
I just really so no need to marry. And, I think it's the worst decision a man could make in todays world.
All that said, I wish you the best of luck!! And you'll need it to be successful in your marriage.
Derek,
I'll say this as a guy that has been married for 15 years, marriage is like any relationship, it's what you make of it. IF you don't tend to it, it will suffer. It takes work.
One of the cool things I can say about your chick is that you was worth something to give up a part of who she is. The partying stuff is fun. But as a guy that's pushing 40 myself, I've slowed way the fuck down in that department. I drink about 2 beers a week now if I do that. Occasionally will have a Jack Daniels and warm apple cider on campfire night this time of year. Not much drinking going on.
At any rate, that's a major key to know you got the right one, when they want to be with you so bad they actually DO change something about themselves. That's HUGE!!!!
I love my wife. She's my best friend. We have been through EVERYTHING together. She was with me when I had money and with me when I didn't have a pot to piss in. We can do anything together or we can be independent of each other and it's all still great.
At the end of the day, you've had time to live with her. Not much will change if at this point you get married. Taxes and the monetary stuff will change, but don't get married for THOSE reasons. If you love WHO she is and enjoy being around her, she treats you like you are the only man in the world, you love living life with her.....I say go for it and never look back.
Told my wife after a month of dating I would marry her. I just knew. Everyone thought I was crazy. I have no regrets. Have had times I wanted to kill her. But they say if you REALLY love someone you'd rather kill them than leave them! HAHAHAHAHA
Looks like you have it figured out already. If it is good do it...........
Fenderbender — Oct 29, 2013Derek,
I'll say this as a guy that has been married for 15 years, marriage is like any relationship, it's what you make of it. IF you don't tend to it, it will suffer. It takes work.
One of the cool things I can say about your chick is that you was worth something to give up a part of who she is. The partying stuff is fun. But as a guy that's pushing 40 myself, I've slowed way the fuck down in that department. I drink about 2 beers a week now if I do that. Occasionally will have a Jack Daniels and warm apple cider on campfire night this time of year. Not much drinking going on.
At any rate, that's a major key to know you got the right one, when they want to be with you so bad they actually DO change something about themselves. That's HUGE!!!!
I love my wife. She's my best friend. We have been through EVERYTHING together. She was with me when I had money and with me when I didn't have a pot to piss in. We can do anything together or we can be independent of each other and it's all still great.
At the end of the day, you've had time to live with her. Not much will change if at this point you get married. Taxes and the monetary stuff will change, but don't get married for THOSE reasons. If you love WHO she is and enjoy being around her, she treats you like you are the only man in the world, you love living life with her.....I say go for it and never look back.
Told my wife after a month of dating I would marry her. I just knew. Everyone thought I was crazy. I have no regrets. Have had times I wanted to kill her. But they say if you REALLY love someone you'd rather kill them than leave them! HAHAHAHAHA
I lived with mine for 2 years dude. I just didn't catch her fucking the neighbor. living with a person doesn't mean anything at fucking all. If it's great like that, keep it that way, dude.
Why risk what you have over a piece of paper?
Ok Derek, so now that all of the true romantics here have weighed in, what do you think? LMAO!!!
hook, seriously dude. :o. I get it, (but your posts suggest you may not be over it, and I don't blame you!) but he's pretty much made up his mind. Lighten up, man!
The only real questions left that MATTER are the one about the gear habit, and, does she own ear plugs?
Man, I really appreciate the time you all took to chime in, read every word of your posts.
The music thing, she's all for it, doesn't mind my love of playing/gear, at least she's never said a word about it to me. She's actually tried to push me into playing with bands again. But it's a solid point, Charger, stuff like that has to be out in the open ($$). As long as I continue the practice of flipping as opposed to outright collecting/purchasing, things will be cool. And I've settled down over the last year or so anyway with that - have to, I need the funds to pay for our fun stuff, lol. When I think about it, though I've flipped my share, to this day I still only have 5 guitars, 5 pedals, two amps, two cabs and two mics, that's it, pretty tame compared to other "hobbyists!" When I do get the itch for something new - something old (or two, lol) always gets swapped or sold.
Thanks Craig! Compromise is right, though I mentioned my lone early issue with her that needed to be sorted out, I'm the one who had to make more of them I'm betting, at least internally, because I've been single for sooooo long (at least not in this heavy of a committed relationship) that I was really stubborn and set in my ways, pretty spoiled. Not with Laurie - slowly but surely I've let go of all that. And I'm cool with it. As long as I get the remote a few nights a week, I'm good. ;)
Thanks Fenderbender! I like your story and attitude. Like I said, I used to be like Hook, and that was without ever being married/divorced! I suppose I just never thought I'd be in this position but here I am. You sound like my boss, he also likes to point out to me that I must be a huge deal for her because she's changed for me. Crazy every time I think about that, but it is what it is, and she has. No huge personality thing, she just settled way the fuck down on drinking and partying. Several of her closest girlfriends have told me things like "man, you are the one for her, you didn't take any of her shit and were willing to move on if she didn't grow up, nobody's ever done that to her." And so on. Maybe you've got something though, perhaps it is just an age thing and many of us hit 40 and turn the page. She just needed a little nudge I suppose. :P
I also agree about the friendship thing. Glad to hear you have that with your wife (as I'm sure most do). We 100% have that going on too. She has come to many of my races and yells for me (if she's not running herself), takes pictures, etc. She goes fishing with me. I go shopping with her, and so on. I usually think of it like this, when I dated other women, I used to look and see if they had a lot of very long/life-long friends, which means she's capable of maintaining loooong relationships in good standing. The ones who didn't, well, you gotta figure there may be something up there if she doesn't have long term friends and has bad relationships with family and no 'several decade long' friends. Laurie has many friends around her, people she's been tight with since grammar school in several cases, and she has no family drama either, everyone loves her, no ugly family history. So it's all good. Hope she recognizes that stuff with me, think she does.
Thanks dbm, you definitely have it figured out yourself, you've been happily married a long time, no? I admire that.
DTR, too funny, when we were out house hunting a few weeks ago, every time we went into a downstairs or basement, she said "this would be your music room." TRUE. ;)
Anyway, enough of this Dr. Phil stuff. Thanks again for all the views. Helpful stuff. Glad I started the thread now. (=
DreamTheaterRules — Oct 29, 2013Ok Derek, so now that all of the true romantics here have weighed in, what do you think? LMAO!!!
hook, seriously dude. :o. I get it, (but your posts suggest you may not be over it, and I don't blame you!) but he's pretty much made up his mind. Lighten up, man!
The only real questions left that MATTER are the one about the gear habit, and, does she own ear plugs?
Yeah. Maybe I should lighten up. ;D Wait, is this one of those times when your suppose to be supportive even if your not kinda things. ;D
Whats the deal with marriage? Why do people think that when you meet a woman and your "happy" that you have to get married? I don't get that. Look, I just threw in a few facts about marriage. My situation is what it is. I'm over it, for the most part, but I'll never forgive or forget what she did to my girls. So, call that what you will. They deserved to have both their parents.
And, this is a huge decision to make. For a man, you have a lot to lose if it goes south. Thats a fact as well. I just don't think that in 2013 marriage means much to people anymore. Maybe it never has as the divorce rate has been around 45% to 50 % depending for such a long time.
And lets say I'm not over, that doesn't change the facts about marriage and it's failure rate. No reason to sugar coat and ignore the seriousness of the decision.
And like I said, all that to the side, as most men don't think about the effects of a failed marriage when considering this, I still wish him the best no matter what his decision is.
I've been married 2 times. I know the good and bad parts of marriage. At my age, I've come to the conclusion that it's not worth the risk.
Good luck K!!
Trust me, Hook, I REALLY think about the seriousness of a failed marriage, for the majority of my adult life in fact, probably to a fault even (like I said, I've waited THIS long before even considering the plunge). I've seen my own parents make hasty decisions and wed/divorce numerous times each...I like to tease myself and have told Laurie "I come from bad stock", lol...she then likes to point out that I obviously have learned from my parents mistakes and have been very patient to help ensure I don't make the same mistake (the biggie being holding off until I was older). We'll see. Even at 44, I still don't feel like there is any rush - we know what we want and that we're not going anywhere, we are totally comfy as is.
nothing to offer by way of advice seeing as I'm effectively a monastic hermit... !! lol.
but I do hope that, no matter what you decide, you find yourself in the midst of happiness. :)
Sheep, you old dog you. I figured all this time you had been hiding some hot wife and just not telling us about her. Or 2 or 3 (could be Amish or Mormon, for all we know! LOL). No, now that I think about it, no way you could get away with more than one wife with the volume you play at at home. ;D
Derek, yeah, my thoughts were never "do it because it is always the right thing to do." It was more "do it because you have said you are ready." Obviously it was a LONG, well thought out process for you to get to this point. When you get to the point of telling your buddies that you are probably going to do it, you've already been through all of the "processes" you go through before you arrive at this point. Plus, all of the "changes" you go through in life have mostly been passed already. Talking psychologically here. The maturity changes, the learning FROM those other relationships, heck, the "mid life crisis" or whatever. You've already passed all those things so at this point, your judgement should be solid.
Besides, I got a brand new $100 bill that says that Mr. Romance (aka, Hookbender) is married within 3-4 years anyway!
;D ;D
Not sure I could handle the comments from here if I did that. I pretty much have set myself up for some real, "I told you so" moments. ;D
Mr Romance. ;D ;D ;D
Your killing me. My eyes watered I laughed so hard. ;D
Not from me bro, I'd congratulate you and be happy that you were happy again! Then after that I'd give you some crap. HAHAHAHA
Thanks Sheep for the kind wishes! 8-)
Howie, I understand about the reasoning, definitely all for the right reasons with us. I'm just at the point where I know ::cheese warning:: something inside tells me I need to hang on to this one. I don't wanna look back and think "I had the right one for me but let it go for the chance of greener pastures." It's green enough for us right now. (=
Hookbender's attitude reminds me of my dads from a few years back (recently suffered his third divorce). I specifically recall him swearing "never again" and "I'm done", yada yada. Now he's out there every day like a hound dog trying to find another woman, lol. His new motto: "If she's alive, she'll do." :D ;) Give it time hookbender, they're not all cheating losers. Women: for the most part, they're alright. ;)
I have no advice here because even though I am married, I can see both sides equally. There are good parts and bad parts. I'll just say that all the money I used to spend on gear is no longer spent on gear, as you may have noticed, I build everything! Yeah I have a lot of guitars, amps, and pedals. More than half I built. And all the pedals I've been building and selling have gone right back into parts... Obviously it's different if you have kids.
I will say that sheep is a pretty damn good advertisement for monastic hermitage. I can only imagine how much better a musician I'd be if I hadn't spent so much of my life distracted by women.
Kabala — Oct 29, 2013Thanks Sheep for the kind wishes! 8-)
Howie, I understand about the reasoning, definitely all for the right reasons with us. I'm just at the point where I know ::cheese warning:: something inside tells me I need to hang on to this one. I don't wanna look back and think "I had the right one for me but let it go for the chance of greener pastures." It's green enough for us right now. (=
Hookbender's attitude reminds me of my dads from a few years back (recently suffered his third divorce). I specifically recall him swearing "never again" and "I'm done", yada yada. Now he's out there every day like a hound dog trying to find another woman, lol. His new motto: "If she's alive, she'll do." :D ;) Give it time hookbender, they're not all cheating losers. Women: for the most part, they're alright. ;)
No way bro. I said all that stuff after the first failure. After this second disaster, I'll let my actions speak for me. This time, what I said last time, will be true. Their has to be a way to achieve happiness, whatever that is, minus women. As in marriage. I think I can be happy focussing on the 2 beautiful loving little girls I have. So far, they have been the light at the end of the tunnel. They have really kept my head on straight. I could never love another human as much as I do those girls. So, maybe I have found happiness and just haven't realized it yet.
Their will not be a 3rd marriage, ever. live with, date, maybe. Not any time soon though.
Living with a woman is a challenge, there is compromise, and even with the best of them you have to compromise. But that is true with all humans, if you live in close proximity to another human there is compromise.
However for me, I like the gal I am living with. been with her 31 years, 23 of them legally married, and I do not have a single regret. But the first marriage.... well, I tried to joining the Navy during the Vietnam war. I figured the cong would be less of a problem that she was for me....... ;D
Damn. ;D
Compromise? I'll never live with, or marry, a woman then. Cause I ain't never compromising. I did that for 14 fucking years and that got me no where. Compromise my ass. ;D
I give you 3 years... ;) ;D
without compromise you will probably end up a very lonely old man sitting in a chair thinking about what could have been... ;D
Jon — Nov 01, 2013without compromise you will probably end up a very lonely old man sitting in a chair thinking about what could have been... ;D
I know what Hook is thinking though...somewhere out there will be a very lonely old lady sitting in a chair thinking about what could have been as well had she compromised, so it's all good! ;D ;)
Got this from a dart player who lives in Asia. ;)
Well, I'd rather be alone and old than old with some wrinkled up sea hag sitting beside me bitching about her false teeth falling in the sink every time she washes her hands. ;D
I kinda put lonely in the same park as unhappy. If I'm happy then how could I be unhappy? You don't need to be married to be happy. That kinda goes with that old theory that as a kid, you want to grow up and get married, have children, and the little white fence around the yard. It's horse shit. It's a little dream that's instilled in us from a young age. Means nothing. What about all the old people sitting beside their spouse thinking.... holy shit, did I waste my life with this piece of shit or what? ;D What a pain in the ass she/he is. ;D
CraigBert — Nov 01, 2013Got this from a dart player who lives in Asia. ;)
Thats what I'm talking about! ;)
Kabala — Nov 01, 2013[quote author=Jon G link=1382980849/25#28 date=1383308136]without compromise you will probably end up a very lonely old man sitting in a chair thinking about what could have been... ;D
I know what Hook is thinking though...somewhere out there will be a very lonely old lady sitting in a chair thinking about what could have been as well had she compromised, so it's all good! ;D ;)
Who cares what she thinks. ;D
Loneliness is underrated... I think this Louie CK bit on loneliness is one of the most sublime comic bits I've ever seen...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5HbYScltf1c
Just wanted to say that if it feels right, go for it. I had a very long and happy marriage...and it wasn't until we neglected each other that things went sour. You keep tabs on each other and make sure you're always making time for YOUR relationship, and COMMUNICATE your issues (unlike what my wife did), you'll be fine. Happy, even. But always make sure you know where you stand with each other. Very important...
Best of luck, man! :)
Tripper
charger — Nov 01, 2013Loneliness is underrated... I think this Louie CK bit on loneliness is one of the most sublime comic bits I've ever seen...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5HbYScltf1c
I saw an interview with him, and Louie was a major factor in me coming to grips with the idea that life will be okay after divorce.
So I can thank my comedy heroes for helping me have a happy life yet again... :)
Tripper
If your happy yourself, with yourself, why would any outside influence make you a unhappy person?
I understand having to get over stuff and that requires some sad times, but overall, if your a happy person, your a happy person.
I'm just gettin at the point that one would assume that people require marriage in the definition of "happy". I don't know about you, but I've been happy single. In fact, that happiness led to the kind of happy-ness you get from marriage. And then that happy led to kids happy..... and then..... all that happy was destroyed through no fault of my own.
Then, after a moment of sad, I realized that I was happy, but sad for my kids who make me happy.
And about that time, I take another 8-), and all is good again. That makes me happier. ;D
Let me clarify since you read something into what I wrote that wasn't intended: I am a fundamentally happy person. The last 18 months or so have been a nightmare for me personally...dealing with my own demons and then this relationship falling apart when on paper there's absolutely no reason it should...it's been really dark and it's made me very sad most of the time.
When times are dark, sometimes you need someone to shine a light to remind you that you are who you are. Louis CK and others have done that for me. It doesn't mean I wouldn't have gotten to "happy" eventually. It just expedited the process. :)
Tripper
To imply that you, I say again, you.... Were a unhappy person was not my intention. I don't know you we'll enough to even assume that. please accept my apology if that's how it read.
I was pointing, I guess, in the direction of expected actions during the course of one's life. And how, in general, people are expected, and have instilled in them at an early age, that one needs to get a really good job and make boat loads of money, get married, have kids and the fence around the back yard..... To have a happy life.... In general, not meaning you, at all.
:) my bad.
A tad of 8-) would be what you need. :D
Got it. Thanks, Hook. I wish you lived nearby...I'd buy you a beer (or whatever) and we could talk about all this crap and you could make fun of me for being such a dick to you all these years. :)
Tripper
what??? :o Is this a new, kinder gentler Tripper? :o :)
Tripper — Nov 06, 2013Got it. Thanks, Hook. I wish you lived nearby...I'd buy you a beer (or whatever) and we could talk about all this crap and you could make fun of me for being such a dick to you all these years. :)
Tripper
If your all about "whatever", I'm all about a plane flight. ;D Charger, want to join me? ;D
Hey man. You handle your situation. You made me read, learn, and finally understand your positions. I learned, so, thanks for that!
How are you? Things settling down a bit yet?
Yup. I'm pretty good, just really sad that I'm not living in the same house with the kids anymore. And I miss my life the way it used to be. Tears have been close at all times the past week or so.
But it's a mourning process...
I just found out tonight that my ex-wife's friend from high school (who'd also become my friend through facebook and our shared love of music) just killed his wife and himself in a murder-suicide on Sunday, shortly after watching his beloved Eagles win. He had some shit going on, but I really didn't expect that sort of thing to happen. So unbelievably sad...
Needless to say, that's been putting things into perspective, but it also makes me just so unbelievably sad because of how close to those feelings I had gotten (the suicide part, not the murder part) through all this shit.
If anyone does come down to Austin, I'd love to hang out. It's a pretty fun place to spend a lost weekend. Great food, lots of music, some of it actually pretty damn good, and this time of year, generally pretty beautiful weather (although these rains have been pretty fucking freaky).
Tripper
Man if your thinking stuff like that, you need to go to the doc, seriously. Right now, you need to take your own advice. Critical thinking, logic, reason. Use that now, and find strength in those wonderful kids you have. In 6 months you'll be so much better. You just have to get through the shock of what happened, deal with it the best you can, and build yourself a new life.
Look at it as a new beginning. Turn the page. Make it exciting. Sit down and make a list of stuff to do. When you finish the list, start another one. Put lots of fun stuff on the list. Stay outside as much as possible. Take up golf, or something that gets you outside. Try your best to stay busy. The more you sit around and think about this shit, the longer it will take to get over it. And look, none of it has to include women. Just take some tripper time.
I gave myself one year to do whatever I wanted. But I had one goal I was working toward the entire time. Getting a house, and at that time, start a new life. My next goal is to fix this house up a bit, little at a time, sell it, and get another one. As long as interest rates stay low, that is. My ultimate goal is to live on a lake. Stuff like that to get you focused on things you can control and work toward, get excited about.
I hope this doesn't sound like advice, it's more a list of ideas that I hope will help you. Just a few things that helped me out during the hell part of this crap I'm dealing with. I probably wouldn't say this to most here, but I consider you a friend and and anything I say to you concerning this matter is truly out of concern for you.
Anyway, best of luck to you and if you ever need someone to cuss out, talk to, whatever, just pm me and I'll send you me cell #.
Take care!!
to paraphrase, "The Bert Cave giveth, and the Bert Cave taketh away."
Never thought I'd see a conversation like this between you two. (Yes, while I almost never comment, I do venture down to the politics and religion threads sometimes just because). But I'm glad I did. So many hard feelings come out of those threads. Lets face it, that's why well over half of the people who left here did so. I'm glad to see you guys can put that behind you.
Trip, I wish you the best. I was really bothered when I read the comments about how much it has bothered you. I have had a terrible stretch the last 5 years, losing my dad, my mom, my MIL, my uncle, and my cousin and my former boss, both of whom were two of my life long best friends. What I can tell you is this. Those feelings will go away. It's always the worst right after it happens. You are strong. You will get through this! Just hang in there and it get's better. Slowly at first, but it does. Then you'll hit the bitter stage and you'll be posting things like Hook has for the last few months! ;)
Hook, you are a good dude. I don't normally say that to rednecks, but you are. (LMAO!)
I wish you both the best. And when we have the next Bert Stock, I will buy both of you a beer. And a #7! ;D
Man, I'm not..... that.....bitter. ;D
Well, I went to mad as hell right away. Stayed that way for about 2 months, at least. Then, all the lawyers.... some motherfucker written, ignorant cunt brilliant one, laws..... decided that courts and some fucking stranger can tell me when I can and can't be a Dad, and at the same time telling me how much a month it cost me for that treat, and if I don't pay that much, the courts will take the daddy thing away and put me in jail. Cause thats just what the kids get. Bad luck. And I don't get the kids because I didn't do anything wrong. She gets them because she is the mom, who, since she has the kid, automatically makes her the best person to raise the children. Her decision making skills aside, she's best. It doesn't matter that she brings a diseased, sex addict, around 2 young girls. Long as nothing bad happens. Asshole, horse shit eating, fleas.
Ok. Fuck it. Don't get bitter like me. ;D ;D
Back at ya DTR!! :)
Not Bud please. ;D
That's the spirit Hook! tripper will be at this stage before long, and I kind of hope you are past it by then because it will be tough with two of you acting like this! ;D ;D
After having a traumatic breakup early in life, it took me a few years to heal up. That is normal human nature. Both these guys will have no problem dealing with this little wrinkle in life in years to come. The best thing is; to do like Hook, and completely discount the importance of the former wife in future thoughts about her. Anger starts the process, then after a bit, a clear view of the whole thing appears, and life then goes on easily. Mine happened during the hippy years, and I was able to get lots of good pussy to mitigate the separation.
I raised my boys, they would not stay with her after a few weeks in one case and 6 weeks in the other case. I traveled with the boys on surf trips to Cape Hatteras, Florida, California and Hawaii. And for many years we stayed in Southern California 9 months a year and then back to New Jersey for the summer months. After the school years we also brought along their best friends from NJ to Cal for the winter months. We lived in the state parks and the other kids slept under my van or in tents, and me and mine slept in a van. I would work as a bricklayer, and the kids had all the time in the world to surf and do kid things. I fed them all of course. Both kids turned out to be good citizens making 6 figure salaries.
So all is well from my perspective. I know that will happen for those two guys as well. It ain't a big secret how to live a happy life. Both of them are smart and will easily figure out how to make it through. Time heals all wounds, especially if they look towards the future instead of looking at the past. It is a simple shift of perspective that helps in that change.