61 posts
Lets take a typical family of 4. Lets say first, you suspect your wife cheated, for whatever reason. I would say first, that a problem in itself. So with this theory, I would say your marriage has serious problems, but is your decision to leave her a logical one? On that alone? Or, do you accuse/ask her about/or confront her about it? Your suspicion?
If you do, she gets mad and calls you jeaulous, if she didn't, she gets mad and says your crazy, right? She gets pissed either way. ;D
Now, same deal. The difference here is you have some form of real evidence to support your claim short of catching her, whatever that is. Do you hit the road in that case? 2 children still to consider. Can't prove she cheated, but you have something that suggests it.
I'm not so sure staying in it for the kids, from a mans point of view, isn't better if your not fighting.
So another question would be, are kids worth sucking up the cheating? Forgetting it, if possible?
From a legal standpoint your fucked with child support out the ass no matter what.
But do you leave or stay?
Don't say it depends on the evidence, just consider that your evidence is enough to make you get to this point. To question without really knowing.
Now, say you discover she did cheat and she admits it. What do you do?
In any situation, the man suffers the blow of her actions. Why is that? Didn't Eve bite the fucking apple or whatever? ;D Why should a man suffer the loss of everyday activity with there're children because a woman can't fulfill her obligation to a contract and promise to her husband? Life may not be fair, but laws should, imo.
My gut reaction is leave her and divorce her, but then once I sat back and thought about this some more it really is not that simple.
The kids issue is a big one. Once their parents are ripped apart from them it certainly can't do them any good and it certainly isn't fair that fathers mostly then are only allowed limited access to them.
There is also another fundamental issue....money. As it is likely you will have to give away 50% of everything you will then probably not have enough left to have any kind of life yourself, you almost certainly would not be able to afford to buy a house for yourself as of course your wife will get the house because of the kids and you are left with just about zero....and it wasn't even your fault.
It wouldn't be easy, but probably over time you could put it all behind you, but then again you never know how you will react until it happens to you.
IF you have no PROOF you have no PROOF. I once thought my wife was cheating on me, turns out I was totally wrong. IT was bad enough that at the time I started spending time with someone else too. Which of course led her to think I was cheating. Neither of us did. We almost threw it all away over nothing.
There were other problems and at the time it was easier to say "They must be cheating" than deal with the REAL issues.
So I would say unless you have some FACTS that PROVE she is cheating then you need to really find out what the issues are in your marriage.
When it comes to the kids.....here's the way I look at it, I would leave her if I knew for a fact she was cheating. I would fight her for the kids and force the issue that she's a flakey whore not fit to raise kids. There are tons of ways to cast your woman in the kind of light that would mean she shouldn't get the kids. I know from experience. I helped one of my best friends get custody of his kids. His wife cheated on him. He's got full custody and she only has supervised visitation. So don't give me that shit about the father not being able to get custody
Sucks for the kids either way. Dad's leaving cause mom is a whore. But it's what you have to do. I would NEVER stay in a loveless marriage with a person I couldn't trust for the "sake of the kids". I think that's bullshit.
Though I would know that the kids mother is a dirty whore....I would never make light of it with the kids. I would never mention it. Becasue that's the kind of shit that puts kids in the middle of their parents. You both have to be NICE to each other for the sake of the kids because you will always have the kids in common. Beyond that.....get some new strange.
Fenderbender — Feb 15, 2012IF you have no PROOF you have no PROOF. I once thought my wife was cheating on me, turns out I was totally wrong. IT was bad enough that at the time I started spending time with someone else too. Which of course led her to think I was cheating. Neither of us did. We almost threw it all away over nothing.
There were other problems and at the time it was easier to say "They must be cheating" than deal with the REAL issues.
So I would say unless you have some FACTS that PROVE she is cheating then you need to really find out what the issues are in your marriage.
When it comes to the kids.....here's the way I look at it, I would leave her if I knew for a fact she was cheating. I would fight her for the kids and force the issue that she's a flakey whore not fit to raise kids. There are tons of ways to cast your woman in the kind of light that would mean she shouldn't get the kids. I know from experience. I helped one of my best friends get custody of his kids. His wife cheated on him. He's got full custody and she only has supervised visitation. So don't give me that shit about the father not being able to get custody
Sucks for the kids either way. Dad's leaving cause mom is a whore. But it's what you have to do. I would NEVER stay in a loveless marriage with a person I couldn't trust for the "sake of the kids". I think that's bullshit.
Though I would know that the kids mother is a dirty whore....I would never make light of it with the kids. I would never mention it. Becasue that's the kind of shit that puts kids in the middle of their parents. You both have to be NICE to each other for the sake of the kids because you will always have the kids in common. Beyond that.....get some new strange.
First, it is possible to cheat on someone you love, right? Shit happens. I don't think it would necessarily be a loveless marriage. What if you don't know what the problems are, this week???? You know how emotional women are. How do you fix issues your unaware of? How do you determine if you have a little spat that morning if she's going to cheat on you for it? How do you determine if a known problem is serious enough to cause her to cheat?
Well, when I got divorced, cheating (for example) was just a reason to get the divorce. May eliminate alimony for her???? The custody part of court was different than the divorce part and didn't effect who got the kids as far as cheating goes and stuff like that. Maybe things have changed.?? Not sure how one cheating spouse becomes a horrible Mother at the same time.
Hookbender — Feb 15, 2012[quote author=Fenderbender link=1329275334/0#2 date=1329315724]IF you have no PROOF you have no PROOF. I once thought my wife was cheating on me, turns out I was totally wrong. IT was bad enough that at the time I started spending time with someone else too. Which of course led her to think I was cheating. Neither of us did. We almost threw it all away over nothing.
There were other problems and at the time it was easier to say "They must be cheating" than deal with the REAL issues.
So I would say unless you have some FACTS that PROVE she is cheating then you need to really find out what the issues are in your marriage.
When it comes to the kids.....here's the way I look at it, I would leave her if I knew for a fact she was cheating. I would fight her for the kids and force the issue that she's a flakey whore not fit to raise kids. There are tons of ways to cast your woman in the kind of light that would mean she shouldn't get the kids. I know from experience. I helped one of my best friends get custody of his kids. His wife cheated on him. He's got full custody and she only has supervised visitation. So don't give me that shit about the father not being able to get custody
Sucks for the kids either way. Dad's leaving cause mom is a whore. But it's what you have to do. I would NEVER stay in a loveless marriage with a person I couldn't trust for the "sake of the kids". I think that's bullshit.
Though I would know that the kids mother is a dirty whore....I would never make light of it with the kids. I would never mention it. Becasue that's the kind of shit that puts kids in the middle of their parents. You both have to be NICE to each other for the sake of the kids because you will always have the kids in common. Beyond that.....get some new strange.
First, it is possible to cheat on someone you love, right? Shit happens. I don't think it would necessarily be a loveless marriage. What if you don't know what the problems are, this week???? You know how emotional women are. How do you fix issues your unaware of? How do you determine if you have a little spat that morning if she's going to cheat on you for it? How do you determine if a known problem is serious enough to cause her to cheat?
Well, when I got divorced, cheating (for example) was just a reason to get the divorce. May eliminate alimony for her???? The custody part of court was different than the divorce part and didn't effect who got the kids as far as cheating goes and stuff like that. Maybe things have changed.?? Not sure how one cheating spouse becomes a horrible Mother at the same time.
Yeah I think you could cheat one someone you love. If needs are being met.....if you can't love the one you want them love the one you're with.
If you don't know what the problems are then why aren't you asking th questions? You FEEL as though something is wrong then you need to find answers to your questions. You don't have to come out with expected cheating. Just ask about how things are between th two of you from her point of view.
If I think something is wrong I ask and I expect her to do the same. Communication is the most taken for granted thing in a marriage and it's so easy that it becomes difficult. Often times nothing is wrong....sometimes we've fallen into bad habits like NOT communicating or spending quality time with the other one. Easy for us to do since she is a corperate suit and I am constantly doing administrative work plus my regular job.
Personally, if you think that little spat is gonna make her cheat then I Think you have WAY bigger issues than that little spat and those things need to be fixed first.
As fo my buddies case. We wer able to run a background check on th guy sh left him for. He was a stone felon and was on th lamb. She was aiding and abedding. We were also able to prove she had some major mental instablilty going on and as such she was a poor mother unfit to take care of the kids on her own. She was also neglegtful due to post pardom depression. She never stood a chance in hell.
When I divorced my first wife it was hard on me, but after 6 weeks the two sons came and lived with me, I raised them up to adulthood. Bottom line, I went from a shitty marriage to a great one several years later. I have been with this second wife for 30 years in March. Best thing that ever happened to me relationship wise.
So staying in a marriage that does not suit you is asking for emotional hardship that goes on, and on, and on, and on......... When my divorce was final from that first wife it felt like someone lifted an elephant off my back, I remember that feeling to this day it was so strong. I been happy ever since.
Fenderbender — Feb 16, 2012[quote author=Hookbender link=1329275334/0#3 date=1329349468][quote author=Fenderbender link=1329275334/0#2 date=1329315724]IF you have no PROOF you have no PROOF. I once thought my wife was cheating on me, turns out I was totally wrong. IT was bad enough that at the time I started spending time with someone else too. Which of course led her to think I was cheating. Neither of us did. We almost threw it all away over nothing.
There were other problems and at the time it was easier to say "They must be cheating" than deal with the REAL issues.
So I would say unless you have some FACTS that PROVE she is cheating then you need to really find out what the issues are in your marriage.
When it comes to the kids.....here's the way I look at it, I would leave her if I knew for a fact she was cheating. I would fight her for the kids and force the issue that she's a flakey whore not fit to raise kids. There are tons of ways to cast your woman in the kind of light that would mean she shouldn't get the kids. I know from experience. I helped one of my best friends get custody of his kids. His wife cheated on him. He's got full custody and she only has supervised visitation. So don't give me that shit about the father not being able to get custody
Sucks for the kids either way. Dad's leaving cause mom is a whore. But it's what you have to do. I would NEVER stay in a loveless marriage with a person I couldn't trust for the "sake of the kids". I think that's bullshit.
Though I would know that the kids mother is a dirty whore....I would never make light of it with the kids. I would never mention it. Becasue that's the kind of shit that puts kids in the middle of their parents. You both have to be NICE to each other for the sake of the kids because you will always have the kids in common. Beyond that.....get some new strange.
First, it is possible to cheat on someone you love, right? Shit happens. I don't think it would necessarily be a loveless marriage. What if you don't know what the problems are, this week???? You know how emotional women are. How do you fix issues your unaware of? How do you determine if you have a little spat that morning if she's going to cheat on you for it? How do you determine if a known problem is serious enough to cause her to cheat?
Well, when I got divorced, cheating (for example) was just a reason to get the divorce. May eliminate alimony for her???? The custody part of court was different than the divorce part and didn't effect who got the kids as far as cheating goes and stuff like that. Maybe things have changed.?? Not sure how one cheating spouse becomes a horrible Mother at the same time.
Yeah I think you could cheat one someone you love. If needs are being met.....if you can't love the one you want them love the one you're with.
If you don't know what the problems are then why aren't you asking th questions? You FEEL as though something is wrong then you need to find answers to your questions. You don't have to come out with expected cheating. Just ask about how things are between th two of you from her point of view.
If I think something is wrong I ask and I expect her to do the same. Communication is the most taken for granted thing in a marriage and it's so easy that it becomes difficult. Often times nothing is wrong....sometimes we've fallen into bad habits like NOT communicating or spending quality time with the other one. Easy for us to do since she is a corperate suit and I am constantly doing administrative work plus my regular job.
Personally, if you think that little spat is gonna make her cheat then I Think you have WAY bigger issues than that little spat and those things need to be fixed first.
As fo my buddies case. We wer able to run a background check on th guy sh left him for. He was a stone felon and was on th lamb. She was aiding and abedding. We were also able to prove she had some major mental instablilty going on and as such she was a poor mother unfit to take care of the kids on her own. She was also neglegtful due to post pardom depression. She never stood a chance in hell.
Look, every marriage has it's own issues. People work through those kind of things. Mature adults don't cheat on there're spouse because they don't have a white picket fence marriage. Especially with 2 kids involved. I can easily see a man cheating on his wife, that he loves, because of the lack of sex, for example. And I can see a woman cheating on her husband maybe for the lack of fulfillment of some emotional need. But, not with 2 kids in the picture. I consider cheating when you have kids as cheating on the children. Because their the one actually cheated upon. They loose the most.
Your example includes all kind of extra stuff, just as I thought. A man can't get custody of children without some extreme circumstance that proves the mother unfit. Cheating on ones spouse doesn't equal a man getting custody of children. Good for him though and a big hell yeah to him, and you for helping!
desertbluesman — Feb 16, 2012When I divorced my first wife it was hard on me, but after 6 weeks the two sons came and lived with me, I raised them up to adulthood. Bottom line, I went from a shitty marriage to a great one several years later. I have been with this second wife for 30 years in March. Best thing that ever happened to me relationship wise.
So staying in a marriage that does not suit you is asking for emotional hardship that goes on, and on, and on, and on......... When my divorce was final from that first wife it felt like someone lifted an elephant off my back, I remember that feeling to this day it was so strong. I been happy ever since.
But we're not talking about a marriage that doesn't suit someone. We're talking about a spouse cheating for whatever reason.
Lets just assume the couple loves each other. Just to bypass all these inserts. Cause people who love each other cheat also.
There are a million reasons why someone cheats on their spouse that have nothing to do with not loving the other person. The office party where the man or the woman gets too drunk and has a quick fumble in the stock cupboard for example. That has nothing to do with not loving the spouse, it's simply circumstance etc. If it was a long drawn out affair that was going on then that is different. It's too complicated to have black and white rules surrounding this and what applies in one circumstance does not apply in another.
Hookbender — Feb 17, 2012But we're not talking about a marriage that doesn't suit someone. We're talking about a spouse cheating for whatever reason.
I would have to weigh all of the factors. Obviously all the factors cannot be discussed here. At my age it would not bother me all that much. But when I was younger it would have bothered me a big bunch.
My first wife was pregnant with another mans child when I divorced her. Of course she was honest enough to tell me what was going on, and we actually had been separated for a few years when this occurred, so no way would the child be called mine. In fact I actually got along well with the kid after he was a few years old, and I taught him courage at an early age by teaching him to jump off high places relative to his height. Some 32 years later he still remembers that experience.
I don't see a lot of factors to begin with that would alter the decision making process, or the result of thinking about it for that matter.
Was is emotional cheating? Was it physical cheating? If you can fix the emotional lack you obviously have ;D, Or can you forgive the physical cheating, sex? Would you leave her over either or both?
If you'd leave her for having sex with someone, or stay with her if she had sex with someone.... what factors could possibly change that decision if?
I look at it like this. If my wife goes to an office party and drinks to much to the point she takes advantage of an opportunity to have sex with some person she thinks is good looking or whatever, I think I exit.
Here's why. If we have 2 kids, both of us needs to be able to to respond to emergencies immediately. If your that drunk, you can't drive to get to them. If you did it sober, no question, I'm gone. At that point the marriage has been over a while anyway. I personally, wouldn't ever be able to 100% trust that person again. And, I don't want another man being with my stuff.
But I guess other men could say to heck with it and move on. I couldn't do that.
If I was younger and still had children in the house, I would get rid of her via divorce if my wife cheated.
even though it would cost you a fortune? No consideration for that? Just asking, I would do the same.
OK. Here's the deal. I'm sorry for misleading you guys. I wanted a straight up answer.
I thought my wife was cheating. I found a pair of underwear I didn't recognize and ask her who's they were. I didn't accuse her of anything, but at the time I was damn sure they weren't mine. I was wrong. They were mine. I apologized to her and made sure she knew I was sorry for my stupidity. Couple of days go by. My wife and I were having problems and have been working on different things.
So, I decide this morning that enough is enough. If we were going forward with the relationship, we leave all baggage at the garbage dump, and go forward on the right track. Tell me what I need to do better, I'll tell you what you need to do better, we attempt to respect each others wishes and move the fuck on. Then, I hug her, try to kiss her, and she says we need to talk. I said we just did. Then she tells me she "kissed" the neighbor down the street. He listened to her and talked back, according to her, and that's how it happened. They were drunk on new years night and I went to sleep with my 2 girls.
So, I'm like ok, shit happens, you were drunk, if thats all it was, I'm leaving for a while. I was pissed, but not leave, divorce pissed. I have 2 girls to think about.
She calls me. I ask more questions. I find out that the guy she kissed best friend told his wife. Yeah, weird. I met the dude new years night. He must have liked me. ;D
The guys wife leaves. She's gone. They have a 5 year old that played with my daughter who's 5 also. This was 2 months ago. My wife admitted she told me because it's likely his wife would call me or the guys best friend, but I would find out.
I'm fuckin gone, the end. Your opinions????
What concerns me now is my 2 girls, and his little girl. These mother fuckers harmed 3 children's life forever and fucked up 2 adults forever and I very seriously doubt this guys wife left over a kiss. I'm positive it was more than that to make her leave him. I can't think of any reason to stay and I'm not even pissed enough to beat this guys ass. In my mind it's the womans fault because she let this happen. By the way, this isn't this guys first cheating experience, according to his best friend and all this shit is subject to be bullshit. And if it is, I'll never know probably.
I left Alabama...... moved to North Carolina.....and the same shit happens here apparently. Since this guys wife left, should I ask if he wants to stay at my house a while till he gets his feet on the ground? ;D
That's a tough one Hook... Sorry you are going (or went) through that. I agree, it does seem shady that the wife would leave over just a kiss. I guess it could be just the straw that broke the camel's back. But you probably have to go with your gut here.
I hope all goes as well as possible from here on out for you.
Thanks man. It can only get better. For me. But it's the children, even his child, that concerns me. They are the ones who will suffer the most over the years. I'll find a good girl in time. No doubt. Until then I guess.
Well, you know to just be there for them as much as you can. I watch my (divorced) stepson continually screw up and not spend the time with his daughters that they need, despite his ex-wife bending over backwards to give him opportunities. I think if you are there for them they will be better off than if you stayed in a bad marriage.
Sorry to hear about your situation. You just have to do whatever is right for you, there are no end of differing opinions on this but opinions on any subject qre usually not worth much, it's your life, do what feels right for you. Just make sure you are in your girls lives constantly to ensure you don't get "replaced"
Hookbender — Feb 23, 2012OK. Here's the deal. I'm sorry for misleading you guys. I wanted a straight up answer.
I thought my wife was cheating. I found a pair of underwear I didn't recognize and ask her who's they were. I didn't accuse her of anything, but at the time I was damn sure they weren't mine. I was wrong. They were mine. I apologized to her and made sure she knew I was sorry for my stupidity. Couple of days go by. My wife and I were having problems and have been working on different things.
So, I decide this morning that enough is enough. If we were going forward with the relationship, we leave all baggage at the garbage dump, and go forward on the right track. Tell me what I need to do better, I'll tell you what you need to do better, we attempt to respect each others wishes and move the fuck on. Then, I hug her, try to kiss her, and she says we need to talk. I said we just did. Then she tells me she "kissed" the neighbor down the street. He listened to her and talked back, according to her, and that's how it happened. They were drunk on new years night and I went to sleep with my 2 girls.
So, I'm like ok, shit happens, you were drunk, if thats all it was, I'm leaving for a while. I was pissed, but not leave, divorce pissed. I have 2 girls to think about.
She calls me. I ask more questions. I find out that the guy she kissed best friend told his wife. Yeah, weird. I met the dude new years night. He must have liked me. ;D
The guys wife leaves. She's gone. They have a 5 year old that played with my daughter who's 5 also. This was 2 months ago. My wife admitted she told me because it's likely his wife would call me or the guys best friend, but I would find out.
I'm fuckin gone, the end. Your opinions????
What concerns me now is my 2 girls, and his little girl. These mother fuckers harmed 3 children's life forever and fucked up 2 adults forever and I very seriously doubt this guys wife left over a kiss. I'm positive it was more than that to make her leave him. I can't think of any reason to stay and I'm not even pissed enough to beat this guys ass. In my mind it's the womans fault because she let this happen. By the way, this isn't this guys first cheating experience, according to his best friend and all this shit is subject to be bullshit. And if it is, I'll never know probably.
Here's my take.
She was drunk and he was drunk and they ONLY kissed. Hell. That's no biggy. I know I can be real lovey dovey when I get toasty.
She told you. At a tim when YOU wanted to clear the air......she told you. I think that counts as a GOOD thing. She obviously felt guilty and in the process of trying to FIX what you have.....she told you. Honesty goes a long way with me.
THEY didn't ruin 3 girls lives. The one guy and his wife probably had huge issues anyway and divorce was eminent. THEY ruined one girls life.
YOUR girls don't have to know shit about it. It will only affect them if YOU let it.
I wouldn't leave my wife over a drunken kiss. Just like she wouldn't leave me over it either.
I do think it's funny you don't know your own underwear. Perhaps you should write your name in them instead of trying to identify them by tire tracks. ;D ;D
I don't think you leave over a kiss. If you have too, give her one shot to tell you again if that was all that happened of not. I don't think you screw up kids lives over a kiss, especially a drunken one.
Also don't assume too much. If he had cheated before, this may have really been JUST a kiss for your wife, but a last straw for his wife. I don't know how you could leave without knowing these things.... If you love her you'll wonder for the rest of your life.
Maybe they kissed, made out a little, maybe he pawed at her, whatever... they were drunk and that was pretty stupid, but I've done much stupider shit when drunk. Like, drive. Tell her to stop drinking and start smoking some herb, and get some marriage counseling. Too many people think they can fix shit on their own. A good marriage counselor can help you see things differently.
Im going to look past this one. It hits too close to home right now.
charger — Feb 23, 2012Maybe they kissed, made out a little, maybe he pawed at her, whatever... they were drunk and that was pretty stupid, but I've done much stupider shit when drunk. Like, drive. Tell her to stop drinking and start smoking some herb, and get some marriage counseling. Too many people think they can fix shit on their own. A good marriage counselor can help you see things differently.
+1 weed and counseling. That's what I'd do. :)
Tire tracks. ;D ;D ;D Fender, your killing me. ;D ;D
Look. The kiss doesn't mean all that much. It's just a physical act. What does mean something to me is that she broke the bond of basic trust we had for 13 years. The lying about it for 2 months only to tell me when she thinks the shit is gonna hit the fan. The security and vows we made to each other apparently didn't mean that much to her. When things get rough, or we have a argument, what will she do next?
That being said, and after being gone for a few days, I decided to give this a chance, for the kids mainly. I decided that I must do whats best for the kids and put my bullshit on hold. I'm very proud of myself. I think I just took another step up into the world of being a man. The last thing I need to do is to make a emotional pissed off based decision when I really haven't given her a chance to explain her actions. And, I have to put my girls first. And, I am and will forever. There is no excuse for her doing this, but if its just a kiss, no other crap, we can fix it.
I went home last night after 2 hours of conversation on the phone. She promised on our children that it was only a kiss, they were drunk, blah blah blah. I came back on 2 conditions. These were not optional. First, we don't discuss this period, around the kids or among each other for a week or 2. Second, she ends all ties with this guy. No friendship, no text, no phone calls, no nothing. He doesn't exist anymore. She agreed.
I have a lot of pride. I don't accept failure at anything very well. this is without a doubt the hardest thing I've ever had to do. And I do have to do it. I try my best to concentrate on my children when I start thinking stupid shit, like beating the hell out of this guy, for example. ;D It's really not his fault anyway. My wife was let this happen. She wasn't where she was supposed to be and she let herself drink to the point where she lost control of herself. Anyway, I'm gonna focus on doing the right thing and being a good person, great Dad, and better husband....let the chips fall where they may.
charger — Feb 24, 2012Excellent!
+1!!!
More drama. It wasn't just one kiss. Seems they have had a thing for a while with many kisses. Sober ones as well. ;D I've given her 3 days to make the call to him and end whatever it was, cut all ties. She hasn't done done it yet. I have reason to believe she's still talking to him on facebook. Looks like game over. Next weekend I think I'll just have to leave. I see no other choice. :(
Well yeah that's kind of a game changer ain't it. I think with her NOT telling you that up front when she had the chance that it's a matter of time before you find out worse stuff.
Why leave? Why not kick her out?
Fenderbender — Feb 27, 2012Well yeah that's kind of a game changer ain't it. I think with her NOT telling you that up front when she had the chance that it's a matter of time before you find out worse stuff.
Why leave? Why not kick her out?
And worse stuff comes out like a fox news alert. Daily. She told me tonight she may have feeling for him now. She'd like 2 weeks to figure it out. ;D ;D Goddamn bitches. Who the fuck does she think she is? >:( When she told me that I text her that I was done. Fuck all this drama shit. I feel like I'm in a Jerry Springer nightmare.
But there's those innocent girls to think about that I took to school this morning and got my fix on with some "I Love You Daddy's" smiling ear to ear. How can I kick those girls out of their home? I'm sure you just didn't think about that. :)
During this post, latest fox alert....she now loves me and needs to get her head straight. ;D ;D At least she's aware she has a problem. ;D ;D
Seems "I'm Done" is a very powerful 2 word sentence. ;D
The reality of the situation and her deed must be at the point of reality about now.
Anyway, my job requires travel during the week and I'd have to quit my job and find another career to attempt custody. Which I don't have a problem with, but I seriously doubt it's possible. A man is just fucked. Marriage is one fucking disaster with a purely emotionally driven creature. ;D
I guess you just have to laugh right?
Seether is some good get drunk and stuff music to listen when you have issues as I do. :D
Sorry you're going through this, man. When I was a kid one of my parent buddies told me "Women will make you wish you were in a concentration camp"... I was like nine.
Its a emotional nightmare. Always something. Life's to short for all this drama shit.
Now she's back to divorce mode. I just don't get the need for all this crap. She cheated on me, it should be the other way around. ;D I should be the one who's wishy washy wondering if I should take her back. ;D :-/
Ok, question. I've got 2 kids and I'm gonna get hit hard with child support. My wife admitted to an affair. Now, of course, she's decided she wants a divorce. I started to leave. just get an apartment and move on. The more I think about it though, the more I see Fenders suggestion as partly maybe the better decision.
Why should she get my house, my kids, my money, and me live in a shitty dump somewhere while she continues the good life? Now I know I need to get a attorneys advice, so I'm looking at this from the moral side and looking out for me a little bit.
What if I just stay? What could she do? She can't have the guy come to my home. The courts don't have reason to suspect me of abandoning my children. I look responsible. I get a favorable nod from the judge, right? I go out of town weekly to work, so I don't have to see her but on the weekends. I could take this opportunity to make her really miserable, a little. ;D Be hell for me but I save money while I do it. I get to see my kids as normal for as long as I can. I get in the way of her little affair. Hell, this could be a new kind of cramp she gets to experience. ;D
Look, you know these 2 are being real low key right now trying not to stir the pot. The guy she's seeing wife has already left him. He lives right down the street. Just by being here and being nice, I cause problems. ;D I don't even have to be an asshole. Maybe she'll leave.
She can't get me thrown out of the house, I haven't done anything wrong. I have as much, really more now, right to be here as she does.
Now if she throws out a low # on child support and unlimited visitation with my children..... ;D After the lawyer draws up the papers of course. ;D
What do ya'll think? Too Jerry Springer or pretty good idea? At least I get to keep an eye on the kids during the weekend and some weekdays. Make sure they are ok and stuff.
You need to look at the lwas in Alabama. There's a good chance your state is no-fault though, which means she could have screwed the entire town and you'd still owe child support and alimony. Most of the time the amount is dependent on how much you earned vs how much she earned over the last 5 years or so. Since you travel a lot for work, she's probably going to cut primary custody, and since you are probably the primary money earner she probably hasn;t earned much so you're going to owe her money.
Divorce is the one place where men just get completely screwed in the legal arena. If there's a bright spot, alimony is not as much of a sure thing as it once was. Child support is something you will have to pay, though.
Does it make a difference if you get in first and YOU file for divorce on the grounds of her having an affair ? Don't let the grass grow, get in there and do it first !
This is a no-fault state, North Carolina. However, this state is one of few where adultery is actually considered a crime. It's taken pretty seriously here, still. So much so, that you can even sue the third party, or the person who she cheated with. From what I've read, alimony is out of the question since she cheated and it doesn't matter why she cheated. The law states that even if she didn't have sex, she just had a type of affair, it's still the same.
The fact she cheated, and this would be an easy to prove thing since she told me about it, would effect property distribution and custody, but not child support. Of course, I'll have to pay that and get screwed as you said. It seems I could easily get the house and most of the content and pretty much anything else I wanted. In addition, I could probably get custody or name my visitation.
So, here's what I offered her. She gets the house but I get a court order that says I have no liability for notes and a court order stating the credit liability is 100% hers. She has to refi in 1 yr. In the event she sells, I get half of what is above the payoff no matter when she sells. Now or 10 years from now, doesn't matter. I get my boat, 2 cars, motorcycle, and any content from the house I want. I get unlimited visitation. I agreed to a i week notice of weekend visitation and 1 month notice for extended visitation. (Vacations etc) I pay child support and she agreed to the amount I suggested. She get the lawyer and get the papers prepared. She agreed. Also, there can't be any loan taken out against the house. No second mortgages or anything else.
The fact she agreed kinda tells me she probably has already talked to a lawyer. Or, that she's desperate to get back to fucking that guy. ;D Probably both. ;D
If this works out, I'll be happy. Fuck her. If not, I'll go to court on adultery and bring in him and his wife, who left him by the way, and take the house and consider changing jobs and go for the kids to. That would be tough, but I can do it if needed.
In divorce, you have to remember that custody, property, and child support are all separate issues. The only thing not affected by the others is the amount of child support paid.
Doesn't matter who files what or when. She could file for divorce for any reason and my attorney could counter with adultery, for example. The law states, and this is weird,, that I don't even have to prove it beyond a reasonable doubt, which I find odd. I guess that means that circumstantial evidence is accepted, I don't know.
The one thing I've had to watch is getting pissed and walking out. I have kids so even though she cheated, I can abandon them or I'll get fucked, big time.
I think you are giving away too much. I would file for divorce and make sure I got the house etc. It's her fault as she committed adultery....make her pay for it. I would also change my job to ensure I got custody of the kids too....I couldn't accept my children living with another guy, especially if they are very young as they may well end up calling him Dad !!!!
Unless it's just a shitty house in a crappy place WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU GIVE A CHEATING WHORE THE MOST VALUEABLE INVESTMENT YOU HAVE??????????
Kick that chick out. Let her live with the new guy and let HER be HIS problem. Fuck that chick. Dude. Seriously.
Well, I can't afford the note and child support, for one thing. We put 20k down on the house which I'm thinking I'll get back plus some when she sells. And she will because she can't afford it either. And association dues will hit next year to boot.
If I quit my job and go for the kids I'm bankrupt. Simple as that. I lose the house anyway.
I don't think I can kick her out because of the kids. I'd feel as low about that as she should about her actions.
My child support is low my friend. To the tune of $650 a month. If I split and lose the credit liability and debt, I can afford to start over. And see plenty of my kids. It's the only chance I have.
The sad fact of this is the children will eventually have another man around anyway. They can call the piece of shit anything they want. It's up to me to be the Father. And I will.
I don't see myself as having a choice. Feel free to straighten my ass out and give me options cause I'm all out right now and worried like hell about my kids. I've lost 14 pounds since thurs of last week. Can't fucking eat. No appetite. Stressed as a mfer.
I feel a WHS coming on...
Man that sounds good. I could use that about now!!!!
It's a horrible situation that you are in right now and whatever you do there is no really good solution and at the end of the day the thing that will have to drive your decision is financial....both for yourself and your daughters well being. It's a sad fact of life that it actually does all come down to money in the end....without it you can't do much in life. Having said all that, 6 months from now you will be on the up again, so keep going as it will get better.
It really is sad. But our system is set up to take care of women in a divorce situation which is exactly the opposite of what women want in every other aspect of life. The bitches want to work, equal rights, but they get more than equal rights when it comes to divorce. Our laws don't reflect reality anymore. Women are self sufficient. If these bitches want to leave a marriage, I think they need to be able to take care of the kids on their own, especially if they fuck around on you. Why do men have to pay for womens stupidity? Thats bullshit.
That being said, if the possibility exist to get custody of my kids, it would cost thousands in legal fees.
Fucking sucks.
I'm going to find out my legal options Thursday. Appointment with a lawyer. 1 hour, $225. Can you believe that shit?
Hookbender — Mar 06, 2012It really is sad. But our system is set up to take care of women in a divorce situation which is exactly the opposite of what women want in every other aspect of life. The bitches want to work, equal rights, but they get more than equal rights when it comes to divorce. Our laws don't reflect reality anymore. Women are self sufficient. If these bitches want to leave a marriage, I think they need to be able to take care of the kids on their own, especially if they fuck around on you. Why do men have to pay for womens stupidity? Thats bullshit.
That being said, if the possibility exist to get custody of my kids, it would cost thousands in legal fees.
Fucking sucks.
I'm going to find out my legal options Thursday. Appointment with a lawyer. 1 hour, $225. Can you believe that shit?
Actually this is not true... I've got a friend, a woman, who is the primary money earner, in fact her husband hasn't worked in 8 years, he stayed home to raise the kids, she's looking into divorce, and she'll be totally fucked, have to give up her house that she bought, and pay child support. It's all about who earns the money, how much, and the distribution of child custody after the separation.
Maybe I'm just different but I'd take my kids and the sacrifice it would be for the privilege of being with my girls everyday. There isn't anything like being involved in their homework, bringing them to school, the kids sleeping with mom and dad from time to time. Just everyday life with them is a damn fun thing while at the same time being very hard work.
You can always find a few situations to debunk my opinions but overall, men are fucked in divorces whether they do right or not.
Its just to easy for women to walk today. If kids are involved, their needs to be a stiff penalty for the spouse who terminates the marriage. They should get nothing unless abuse is involved.